I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
