My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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