Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
