YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
