he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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