a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
