I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
