yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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