So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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