is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
How does one acquire holy water?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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