So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
