she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
