Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
