Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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