Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
