Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
