How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
