She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
