if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
