forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
