CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
