so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i think i have herpe
just one?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
