Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
