I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
