Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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