I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
