Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
