I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
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