'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
