happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
