That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
MIDGETS
????
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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