Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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