I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
