I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
