I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
