are you still at the devil's house?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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