$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
