I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
