I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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