I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You smell like stripper and shame
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
