if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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