The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
