Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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