I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Randomize
