Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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