I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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