she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
