I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
