We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
