i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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