just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
