Pants 0. Shit 1.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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