two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
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