Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I accidentally burped into my bong.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
