she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
