i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
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