I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
