big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
